Thursday, 18 April 2019

UNFULFILLED WISH

I was starring constantly at the wavy hair of the girl standing at the corridor just to take a glance of her face. I was struggling hard to see her once. She looked perfect from her back. But my fate! She headed towards the gate and went out of my site. I was totally disappointed for the second time at the fact that today also I didn’t get the chance to see her face. I didn’t know why, but from the past two days, I was eager to encounter who she was.


DAY-3
It was the third day, and today I had made up my mind to at least start a conversation with her with a simple “Hi”. The first class got over and I decided to bunk the second and third class as for me those two classes were intolerable.
 As soon as I left the class, I saw my professor coming from the corridor. In fear, I ran as fast as I could, just to be able to escape from my professor’s view. I ran so hard that I pushed a girl and fell over her. Soon, I noticed she was the same girl I was looking for the past 2 days. Without wasting any second, I got up and began running. I made my way to the canteen and settled for a tea. I kept thinking about her. She wanted to speak something, perhaps maybe she wanted to scold me for my behaviour but instead of helping her to get up, I left her and ran away.
I was feeling angry about what I did. I wanted to make a good impression in front of her but ended up making a bad one. I didn’t know what she might be thinking about me, but I was sure it won’t be a good one either. “TEA” shouted the boy in front of me bringing me out of my thought. Shaking my head from left to right, I said “Thanks” and he went away passing a smile.
I sat there in the canteen until my friends came and joined me during the break. I shared the whole story with them, and they suggested me to go and ask for an apology to that girl. I didn’t know whether I would be able to meet that girl by today or not but it was sure that- instead of going and starting a conversation with a “Hi”, I have to go and start with a conversation with “I’m sorry”. It was a humiliating moment for me.


“Nishant”- one of my friends called out my name aloud when he saw the same girl. I looked towards him and he pointed out his finger towards that girl. I was thinking how to begin the conversation as both of us were strangers to each other. It was when I was still thinking, one of my friends pushed me and I fell down from my chair and once again, everyone’s gaze was towards me. That girl too shifted her gaze towards me as it made a huge sound when I fell from the chair.
This time, without wasting any time, I walked past my friends towards that girl for asking an apology. She was talking with another girl, perhaps of her class about the topics that are going to come in the semester exam. I went near her and with every step, my heartbeat became faster. I was afraid if anyone other than me was able to hear my heartbeat. My mind was blank and I wasn’t even able to think anything.
Instead of going straight to her, I decided to take a left turn and went to the other direction. Later, I regretted what I did. My friends were watching me from distance and slammed the table making a fist as soon as I took the turn. I didn’t know why I did that, but I was feeling so nervous that I couldn’t approach her and ask for an apology. I didn’t notice her for the rest of the day. After the college was over, I directly headed towards my home as I knew my friends would tease me because of what I did today. So, instead of waiting for my friends I went back home, leaving them alone. I was feeling restless thinking about everything that happened today. Standing in front of the mirror, I practised for more than an hour on- how to begin the conversation, after which I gave up. Next morning I woke up and decided that today I will surely ask for an apology.
I took a quick shower, ate my breakfast and waited for the clock to strike 9. As soon as the clock stroke 9, I was out of my home. Soon, after reaching college, we began our regular routine with our professors. After our classes ended for a break, I quickly marched towards the canteen, with a little guess that she too would be coming there. And my luck! This time, she came. I smiled watching her coming. She too passed a smile from a distance. She looked adorable in blue, she was wearing a blue shirt with black jeans with her hair tied nicely in a ponytail. I kept looking at her, until Vikrant, one of my friend pushed me with his elbow.
She settled at one of the chair, adjacent to me. I gulped and stood up, bringing all my courage together I walked straight towards her table and uttered a light “HI” to her. She narrowed her eyes and after a few milliseconds of staring, she replied back with a “Hi”. I took the seat which was empty and began saying whatever I had prepared before “I am Nishant”. She looked at me asked me to go on.
“I am sorry for that day, I was running so hard that I couldn’t control myself and pushed you to the ground”. I further continued saying “I hope you would forgive me”.
With a smile, she replied “It’s okay.  I can understand, you were trying to bunk your class”. I felt a bit humiliated when she spoke those words, but still, I didn’t mind as I wanted to keep talking with her. “I am Pari by the day, 1st year English honours what about you?” she asked. My inner sense was saying to hold her tight in my arms and spend the rest of my life with her. She was so beautiful in her own way, her way of speaking, politeness, and everything. I answered her saying “I am in 2nd-year Economics honours”. Both of us spoke for some time until she said: “classes would start soon, we must go”. As she was leaving, I went near her, stopping her, I asked for her contact number. I didn’t know from where I got so much of courage to ask for her number. Yesterday, I was getting frozen with nervousness to approach her for an apology and today, I was standing in front of her asking for her number. “Find it out by yourself if you want,” she said with a smile on her face and walked away.
Later, I went for my class and told everything to Vikrant. He was my saviour at that time. I pleaded him to get her number from anywhere. He agreed and later at night, Vikrant messaged me her number. I was overwhelmed and started dancing in my room. My mother came running in my room hearing me shouting. I sat on my bed quickly as soon as I saw my mother. She asked me whether everything was fine. With a serious face, I replied saying “yes! Everything is fine, What happened?”
She said “Nothing. I just heard some sound and thought you were shouting!” She left my room after she was finished asking me questions. I laughed at myself for acting mad. After 5 minutes, I messaged at the number which was forwarded by Vikrant.
Me- Hi
Even after 30 minutes of waiting, I didn’t get any response from her number. So, I decided to call Vikrant for giving me the wrong number. A message popped up as soon as I dialled his number.
She- Hi. Who’s this?
Me- I didn’t know you have a bad memory! Ok. Let me get you a hint- my name starts with ‘N’
She (smiling at the message)- I didn’t know you would manage to get my number by today itself.
Me- Who would wait to talk to a girl who had made a boy restless by her thought?
She- Mr. Nishant, Semester exams are coming near just go and study now.
Me- As you wish.
I kept reading and re-reading the texts instead of reading my syllabus books the whole night.
At the morning when I woke up, I found myself sleeping on my table holding my phone in my hand. I smiled at that silly act of mine.
I knew was falling for Pari. Her name itself described how beautiful she was, and now for me, it has become my regular routine to wait for her message. The next few weeks went like this. We used to exchange messages and pass smile whenever we came across each other in the campus. We rarely spoke to each other when we were in college.


After our semester exams were over, one day I along with my friends, were playing truth and dare at the canteen with an empty bottle of coke. It was my turn and I chose to dare with a little knowledge of what my task would be. Everyone was deciding a task for me when Pari was passing by the canteen.
Vikrant saw her and caught everyone’s attention towards him. “ Nishant has to propose Pari,” said Vikrant. I was dumbstruck and regretted why I had chosen “DARE”. Everyone was hooting and I became nervous again. My friends threw me pushing in front of her. My inner senses were saying-“ your life is at stake, take a u-turn”. But, I had no other options. I was facing her. I uttered a light “Hi” to begin the conversation.
I hated Vikrant the most because of landing me in such a pathetic situation which I have never experienced in my life. Pari replied saying “Hello. Is everything alright? Why are your friends pushing you?”
The cool breeze of wind blowing in a hot summer day gave me a shiver which ran down my spine. I became numb. I looked on my left, my friends were encouraging me to go ahead and propose her. But only I knew what was going inside me. A time came when I thought of digging a big hole in the earth and bury myself in it. With a few courage which was left inside me, I began saying( keeping my friendship at stake).
“Pari, I love you. I don’t know how you will react but it’s the truth I really like you” Finally I spoke whatever came on my mind. She widened her eyes and stared at me for some time and walked ahead without saying anything. I was confused about what was happening.
I returned to my friends and scolded them for giving me such a task. I hated Vikrant and told him if anything unusual happens or if it breaks my and Pari’s friendship then I’d kill him. That day, I kept thinking about what happened, I can’t even have my food properly. Later at night, I decided to message Pari to clear everything that happened was a dare that was given by my friends. Stretching my hand over the table, I took my phone and typed a message quickly.
Me- Hi.
She- Hi.
(her reply came within a second)
Me(trying to clear everything)- Actually, I don’t know what I did today. I was out of my senses.
She(blushing at his message)- I hope you mean it.
Me(reading the message twice)- It means?
She( smiling)- Yes Idiot.
 It wasn’t easy for me to digest whatever she was saying. I stopped replying her for some time and decided to re-read the messages again to make sure whatever she was saying was true and that I was not dreaming. I read the messages again and to my surprise, I wasn’t dreaming. It was true.
Now, instead of hating Vikrant, I wanted to go to him right now and thank him a bunch for his “DARE”. I kept my feeling for Vikrant aside and started texting Pari again. She gave me a compliment saying- I look nice in black shirt.


The next day, I went to college wearing black shirt, as Pari said I looked good in it. I went to my classroom and hugged Vikrant. He was amazed watching me like this. I explained everything to him. He smiled and said “whatever happens, happens for good” and to that, I replied saying “indeed true sir” and he laughed. Slowly each and every one of my class got to know about our relationship.
“Nishant” one of my friends shouted. I turned towards him and he told me that Pari was calling me. I quickly went to meet her. I turned as red as a tomato when she came in front of my class to meet me. Pari told that she was travelling to Jaipur to her hometown as her Grandmother was ill and would not be able to call until she comes back Chandigarh. She also said that we can message each other but not so often.
I was feeling lost after she went back, one week have passed and we haven’t seen each other. I wanted to hear her voice badly. I took out the roses she used to give me regularly from my cupboard.
After we came into a relationship, she used to give me a rose every day. When I asked her one day why she gave it regularly, she answered me saying “Roses have their own smell, they are unique. They have thorns in them along with the beautiful colour which makes them more beautiful. In the same way, there will be obstacles in life and overcoming those obstacles will lead to a beautiful life.” I was mesmerized by that thought of her.
Suddenly, the vibration of my phone woke me up from my thought. It was from my Pari.
She- Hi. How are you?
Me- I’m fine. How are you? And how is your grand mother?
She- She is fine now and I am coming back tomorrow.
My happiness had no limit and I started crying like a baby at her message. Without wasting any moment, I replied to her saying “I will be waiting for you”.
A day after her return we met in the canteen and spend almost half of the day together bunking our classes. We were happy to be together again.
Days passed by and then weeks which turned into months. Finally, I have passed my Graduation and she was in her last year. I got a job in an investment company and joined the firm. She was preparing for her final and was expecting a good result.
After I left the college, our meetings were reduced to twice or thrice in a week but, at that time too she used to give me a rose every time we meet, which has become one of her rituals and I loved her more for that. I became busy with my work and she with her studies as her final exams were near. Our meeting now was rarely twice a month or so because of our busy schedule. But, our love was still the same as it was before. We understand each other’s situation and respected each other’s opinion.
When the results of her final examination came, I was much happier than her, because she secured the 1st position in the university. I wanted to make her feel special, so we went for a day out and spent the whole day with each other.
Later she decided to pursue her Master in English. She was in her 3rd Semester when one day she called me to ask if I was free to meet her. I left my work for her and went to meet her.
She was waiting for me with a rose in her hand. She waved at me from a distance and I waved her back. We sat on a bench at a park which was near to the college. After regular chit-chats, I asked her the reason why she called me. “I am getting married,” she said. My eyes widened to her reply. I was angry at her. Angry thinking she was making me jealous by saying this. But she was certain, she didn’t laugh at her reply which makes it sure that she wasn’t lying.
“What have you decided?” I asked her. “I can’t disappoint my parents” she replied. “What about me? You loved me to the heights right?” I cried. “I love you Nishant, and believe me I can never love anyone the way I love you. I’ll always love you till my last breath” she replied. I stood up, kissed her forehead and hugged her, maybe for the last time and left her in that place without even turning back once.

7 YEARS LATER:
The memories of Chandigarh still haunt me. I took my transfer to Mumbai and started working there as the Chief Manager in an investment bank. After 7 years I have to travel back to the place where I met my first love. I went there for 3 days for an official meeting. I finished my official work on the first day and decided to meet Vikrant the next day. I was waiting for him in the same college canteen where we have played a lot of pranks and one of those pranks made me propose Pari.
“Hi, Nishant” the voice came which I was familiar with. It was Vikrant, he has become quite thin than before. I joked at him saying “your wife doesn’t give you enough food or what?” he laughed at me. After sharing some memories and gossiping, I asked him about Pari.
“Vikrant, Where is Pari now? How is she?” I asked.
Vikrant became serious. His face didn’t have any smile now. I was surprised at the sudden transformation of his facial expression.
“What are you asking? Don’t you know anything?” He said.
I became worried.
Without wasting any time, I asked him “Will you answer my question? I know nothing about her. The last time we met, she said that she was getting married to a guy.”
“Nishant, she died 7 years back. She was suffering from blood cancer and when it was diagnosed, she can only be given palliative care. It was irreversible.”
My eyes became red as soon as he spoke those words. I didn’t know what I was feeling. “She lied to me” I cried. “She said she was getting married and that was the reason of our distance”. “I won’t forgive her for this. She lied to me” I cried without thinking what the people around me will think. “She loved me so much that she didn’t want me to bear the pain of her loss”.  I cried out my heart to Vikrant. She said she would love me till her last breath and she proved it. But life would prove my love for her in this way, I didn’t know that.
 I plucked out a rose from the garden of the college and cried out, looking at the sky, thinking she would be there to hear me. “Pari! I know you are listening to me. This one is for you (and I threw the flower up in the sky)”. I still love you I yelled. I love you!
I made my way back to the hotel, packed my bag and took the next flight to Mumbai as it was unbearable for me to survive any more in that place.
Vikrant didn’t know what to do and how to react. He kept watching Nishant and listening to what he was yelling.
Love is unconditional. Some promises are fulfilled but some are not. Along with the situations, we should mould ourselves to fit in since life will go on and it will forever keep going.















Book Review of "THE MIDNIGHT LIBRARY"

  BOOK- THE MIDNIGHT LIBRARY AUTHOR- MATT HAIG PAGES- 288 BLURB - ‘Between life and death there is a library,’ she said. ‘And with...